Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
