Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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