New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
