i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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