I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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