I'm jealous of your bromance
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
COCAINE IS GR8
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
