I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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