he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
