If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
As shirtless as possible
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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