i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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