So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
