I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
