You can't special order awesome
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
