Buhtt sex?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
