he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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