My room smells like vodka and shame
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
