I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
