I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think we might need a safe word for this...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
