farters have to be the big spoon...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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