I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
