Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
