I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
