I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
