I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
