I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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