how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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