I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
