I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
