you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
