Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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