I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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