The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize