Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize