Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
