I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
