dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
