I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize