Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
