You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
