I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
