I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
