I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
