Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
