Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
