Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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