weddingsv make me drug and hornr
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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