he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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