I CAN MOONWALK!
someone owes me an orgasm
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
