OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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