Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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