I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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