it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
