We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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