I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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