I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
