OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
