True but thats because hes a fetus.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
