i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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