summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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