Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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