Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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