question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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