Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
