how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize