Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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