Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
