I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
