She is in my trunk
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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