I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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