Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
