We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
