I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
